As you may have heard via Facebook, Instagram, my actual mouth, or the robotic spiders with earbud-sized speakers that I placed in your home to constantly steam my propaganda directly to you, I wrote a book, and that book is now for sale.
Quick! Click my shiny new BOOKSTORE link in the corner to get your copy of Necessaries!
What? You want a reason to get this book? You mean, aside from the fact that you'd be supporting a local artist and stimulating the economy by putting buying power back in the hands of ordinary citizens rather than the large corporations that only serve to funnel money out of the community?
What was that? Oh, too intense for ya? Okay, let me try to convince you that this book is worth buying. First, some reviews from fans.
"I like that the back cover and the side are black. The book is about an inch thick. The cover feels kind of silky." - my dad (paraphrased)
*SCREAMING WHILE SNEEZING* - my roommate
"The book starts talking about aliens[.]" - my parents' neighbor
"What do we do? Remember, we're not millennials." - my uncle, regarding purchasing the book from an online market place that has been in operation for longer than many millennials have been alive
"weouiriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaeibaebbbbbbbbOIOJIDDDDDDDDD" - my cat when I put her paws on my keyboard and told her to get to reviewing if she wants her catnip mouse toy refilled any time soon
Pretty compelling, right? I thought you'd be impressed. Are you seriously asking me for more stats on the book? What sets it apart, you ask? Well, fine, since you asked, here are a few of the noteworthy features Necessaries offers:
- Diversity in the cast: Necessaries is about more than alien plots and superhero antics (though it has plenty of both). It's a story about real people in a very unreal situation, and real people come in a lot more styles than white, straight, and able.
- An under-appreciated setting: Isn't it about time for something super to happen to someplace that isn't New York or a New York proxy? HOW ABOUT INDIANAPOLIS, SUCKAAAAAAH
- Entertaining plot twists: I know M. Night Shyamalan has made you bitter, but I'm here to sweeten you back up with twists and developments that are there to enrich the reading, not trick you or create cheap shock.
Come again? You only read books if they involve the action-intense destruction of public property? Wicked, you'll love this. What else, did you say? You only read books if there's a sweet and believable romantic aspect? Boy howdy, I've got that!
What's that? You've been looking for a book that's melds genres seamlessly into a read that's funny, suspenseful, action-packed, heartfelt, and somehow believable even though it's about aliens invading from an unknowable dimension and feeding off the entertainment value provided by turning mortals into superheroes?
Then please, please give Necessaries a try. Seriously, if you like my Facebook quips or my blog posts, then you'll really enjoy this story. If I'm wrong, you can call me out on it, but you'll have to read it first!
Now will you click that new "BOOKSTORE" page and validate me? XOXOXOXO